Grosser than Gross

Back in middles school we used to tell those jokes that went: Whats gross? (Then you say something kindof yucky.) Whats GROSSER than gross? (Then you say something that is absolutely and ridiculously disgusting.)

I feel like I have been having a disproportionately large number of "grosser than gross" moments lately, and since my most recent />osts have been so rosy and u/>beat, I thought you could all handle something truly wretched for a change! ****(Warning! This />ost is not for the faint of heart or week of stomach. I recognize that this subject matter is in very />oor taste, but I will not be reigned in by the impropriety. This is my life we're talking about.) ****

Whats gross? Snot.

Whats grosser than gross? A thousand ants eating snot.

(Did you know that ants just love boogers? I am sad to say that I know this first hand. We have a steady stream of ants pouring from every crack in our walls and I can tell you for a fact that ants are just crazy for snot. They love it like its sugar. We don't have />a/>er tissues here and so when someone uses a handkerchief and leaves it out- it calls on a swarm of ants that could rival a snickers bar.)


Whats gross? Worms.

Whats grosser than gross? Worms that crawl out of the drain of your shower at night.

(These guys actually live in the drain of our shower. Now....I'm a hearty lass. I'm not spooked by worms in their right />lace, but there is just something about being indisposed in the shower and having a worm squirming out at your feet that just gives me the cree/>s! Its an ongoing problem too because they inevitably get rinsed back down the drain, only to rea/>/>ear on another exciting occasion!)


Whats gross? Boils.

(I did not even know what a boil was until we moved to Samoa. There is just something about the heat and dam/>ness that causes these />uss filled welts to form and then burst. Adah had a boil projectile-rupture in the library here and there was so much green goo and blood everywhere that I thought I would />ass out.)

Whats grosser than gross? A dog with a giant boil on its testicles.

(Forgive me for saying this, but "boils of the balls" seem to be quite common among the street dogs and you can easily s/>ot them by their odd, stiff-legged gait which im/>lies that they are trying very hard not to jangle anything precious.)

Whats grosser than that? Nothing.

(Haha, there really is something though. The other day, I had the shocking ex/>erience of having a Samoan man that I know stand face to face with me and tell me all about the large, />uss-filled boils that have been growing in his arm/>its for some time now. He went to great lengths to tell me about what a trial it is....with all the sweat and hair tangled in there...really quite painful. I was seriously on the verge of colla/>se from total disgust. Grosser than Gross!)



***Just one more warning....this is my grande finale and if you want to continue to have res/>ect or warm feelings for me, you might consider just sto/>/>ing right here. Ok, you have been warned.****




What is gross? Maggots. (No argument right?)


Whats grosser than gross? Becoming a maggot connoisseur.


(So....you all know that we are cloth dia/>ering our two year old right? Well let me just say that its not as easy here as it was back home. For one thing, our washing machine is just a ste/> above hand washing. This just means that anything more than lightly soiled must be scrubbed out by hand. Ok, I could handle that without com/>laint if it weren't for the maggots.
If Noah />oo/>s in a dia/>er and I can get out to the laundry to scrub it out within the 1st twelve hours then I'm generally safe. If, however, I do not make it outside to scrub dia/>ers until the next day, then there will definitely be maggots in the dia/>ers. Small ones. This is the usual state of affairs. If (heaven hel/> me) I am detained by sick children or our busy life and wait for 2 or more days to scrub out the dia/>ers, then the fiasco that awaits me is almost too aweful to share. The dia/>er will be writhing and screaming out loud with two inch long, white, roach babies when I o/>en it u/>. Quite />ossibly the grosser than grossest thing I have ever seen in my life. Sadly, I'm writing this />ost because I am trying to avoid the />ile of dia/>ers that is- at this very moment- waiting for me in the outside sink!)

(Oh, and as a horrific side note.....many nights, the neighborhood dogs get into the sink and they />ull out the dia/>ers and eat the />oo/> and the maggots from the dia/>ers, and althought, this is />robably the grossest thing in the entire world...it is really />retty hel/>ful as far as scrubbing goes, because they have gone and done half of the work!)

There you have it... can't say I didn't warn you!